A mother's Moment

With Mother's Day fresh on my mind I have had a lot of mixed emotions. Feeling super excited that I am a mother to share in such a special day, feeling happy to celebrate my wonderful mother in law, but mostly I was just missing my mom. How is it possible that it has been almost a year? How has to gone so quickly. People say that time heals all wounds, and it does. But It has made mine worse. When I first got the horrible phone call from my dad and then rushing over to my parents house to find police cars and the ambulance it was a truly horrific feeling. To see the look on my dad's face was heart breaking and to hear the words from my dad's voice, it seemed as though the room was caving in. My dad doesn't cry much, but when he hugged me, he cried. I cried to. But I also got this incredible feeling of peace. There was a lot to be done, my dad needed me and my family needed me. The rest feels like a blur... As time went on and the shock were off, I carried on and let my self feel numb for a long while, months even. Avoid of much emotion regarding my mother. It is easier to ignore the feelings then deal with them. As time has gone on. I find my self missing her more often and all the things she did. I find my self thinking how much she would of love to go shopping for baby things with me, and get the babies rooms all together. How much she would of loved to be there when little Declan was born. How much she would love him now, to cuddle him and kiss him. Something happened right after my mom died that I will always cherish and hold as a special memory. My dad, aunt Bonnie and Laura, Cousin Tammy and my 2 sisters and I were all able to get my mother dressed and ready for the viewing at the funeral. It was difficult and emotional. But I knew it was also very special and the last earthly experience I would have with my mother. After we were all finished, my sister's and I had a quiet moment with my dad. We all shared some feelings and emotions, but mostly just let the spirit comfort us. As I was still looking at my mother I had the sweetest vision of my mother kneeling next to a little boy. She was kneeling next to him and pointing downward. She was smiling and happy. She was talking to him. I knew then that I was having a little boy (because at the time it was to early in my pregnancy to know what we were having). I knew that my mother was up in heaven with little Declan and getting him all ready to come down to earth. This experience, brought so much happiness to me. I felt comforted to know that my mother was happy and happily playing with her grandson. Whenever I feel sad and miss my mother, I think of that moment and how happy she is, playing with the other grandchildren, who are anxiously awaiting their turn to come down. I know that my mom will be handing down all the babies as we continue to have more. I am grateful for the little "mother moments" that I will continue to get to have.